PUA Blogger

I found this college cutie today while I was searching around the Internet for some laughs. I always get drawn into the college humor “cute college girl” section when I visit their site. This time I was stopped while looking at Amanda Metcalf. Amanda is currently serving time at the University of Syracuse in New York where she studies communications. I always looked at communitcations as undecided…he he.

I am not always attracted to girls with tatoos, but there is something about this one that I like a lot. She’s like a bad ass girl from next door!

What song did you lose your virginity to? Did he even last through the entire song?
Does cheap beer and wine coolers count as a song? Yeah, we were classy… honestly, I don’t think he even lasted for the initial insert before people walked in on us. Really though, isn’t everyone’s first time just amazing and beautiful just like mine?

That’s classic!

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This next article is part of an ongoing series here at TSB Magazine called The Success Principles. The series is based on the 64 principles laid out by Jack Canfield in his course of the same name. If you’re new, I always suggest starting any series from the beginning.

Principle 13:  Take Action

This is probably the most important principle in this series.  Without following this principle nothing else you’ll read in this series, on this website, or in any book will matter one last bit.

There is a term is the online dating community called “keyboard jockeys.”  This refers to the guys out there who scour every dating site, read fifteen eBooks, troll through forums, and attend various seminars, yet take absolutely no action towards getting what they want.

This is not a phenomenon specific to the dating community.  I used to attend real estate investment meetings in which there was always a distinct line in the sand.  There were the twenty percent of attendees who took action and were reaping the rewards of flipping houses for nice profits… and there were the eighty percent of the attendees who were always waiting to learn a little more, for a better economy, a great lead, or the perfect deal.  This eighty percent would more than likely never succeed in real estate investment, just as the “keyboard jockeys” will most likely see the results in their dating life that they desire.

Canfield states:

When you take action, you trigger all kinds of things that will inevitable carry you to success.  You let those around you know that you are serious in your intention.  People wake up and start paying attention.  People with similar goals become aligned with you.  You begin to learn things from your experience that cannot be learned from listening to others or from reading books.  You begin to get feedback about how to do it better, more efficiently, and more quickly.  Things that once seemed confusing begin to become clear.  Things that once appeared difficult begin to be easier.

I think the most important point that Canfield makes in the previous quote is that the only true way to learn any skill is to practice.  I mentioned earlier that I used to attend a real estate investment club with Mike Stoute, my current partner here at TSB.  After having read one or two books, and attending several meetings, Mike Stoute and I began advertising ourselves as being in the business of buying distressed homes.  We had no money, no experience, and no ability to get a loan at the time.  Yet we handed out thousands of business cards and plastered telephone poles with signs stating “We Buy House Cash.”

A few weeks after putting up the signs, Mike got a phone call from a woman looking to sell her house.  Mike took all of her information and found that she was looking to sell the house for a value $20,000 or so less than it was worth.  Initially, since the house needed some repairs,  Mike thought that this was not a large enough profit margin to get involved, and we almost talked ourselves out of action.  Then at the suggestion of a friend, we decided to offer the woman $20,000 less than she wanted.  When the woman accepted the offer Mike and I almost shit ourselves.  Now that there was an official contract on the house, we had to figure out how we would make this happen.

A funny thing occurred though.  Once we had an official contract on the house, people were lining up to help us.  We immediately found an experienced Realtor to help us sell the contract, a lawyer to guide the transaction, and an investor to purchase the property.  Within one month we had gone from complete novices to experienced real estate investors… something 80% of the other members of our club would never be able to say.

We learned everything we needed to know from that one experience.  If Mike had never had the balls to make the offer, we probably would still be sitting in the meeting, waiting for the “perfect opportunity.”

Mike likes the quote:

Business is more balls than brains.

I think that quote could just as easily be applied to almost any area you want to see success in.  Dating is more balls than brains.  Investing is more balls than brains.  Success itself, is more balls than brains.

If you want to see the success that that the high achievers do, you have to do what successful people do, and successful people are highly action oriented.  Of the course of the Success Principle series, we’ve already covered how to create a vision, set goals, break them down into smaller steps, anticipate obstacles and plan how to deal with them, visualize and affirm your success, and believe in yourself and your dreams.  Now its time to take action.

I’m going to leave you with a little example of how the power of taking action can dramatically improve your dating life.  continued on next page…

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If you hadn’t heard, Heather Loclear was arrested Saturday on suspicion of driving under the influence of drugs.  Heather Locklear has always seemed like a pretty cool, party chick.  At 47 years old she was always quite the cougar.

I’m not a member of the moral police, so her arrest is her business.  But I just thought that this picuture of Heather Locklear’s mug shot was pretty disturbing.  Her pupils are huge and she looks like she’s been on quite the bender.

FLIRTING WITH WOMEN

Flirting with women is something that seems like more of a "woman's game" sometimes.

You see a woman somewhere that you'd like to meet and flirt with…

But what do you do?

Read my latest Dating Tips for Men on Flirting With Women

You'll learn my 3 step method for flirting effectively, and the secret reason that women like to think "flirt" while guys think "pickup…"

Read it here:

Flirting with Women Article

Hey Carlos

This is not the normal question that you get I assume, but I didn't know who to turn to to get advice.

The thing is that I have absolutely no friends and I don't really have much of a social life. It's not that people don't like me, on the contrary, people do like me a lot, but I just don't feel like I have anything to offer. I guess I could get a social life by getting a few hobbies or something.

The thing is thought, how do I make friends that I can hang out with? It was probably back in grade school that I last hung out with someone in my leisure time (I'm 19 and just finished high school).

I just don't know what to talk about with other guys, I kinda missed out on this for so many years so many guys are just more confident, cool and masculine in many ways. I hope it's not to late to change that. It maybe sounds silly but I really don't know what guys do when they hang out and what t talk about.

Thanks
______________________
CARLOS XUMA ANSWERS:

Well, this is actually a question I get all the time, believe it or not. There are a lot of guys who have not fully developed their "social muscle."

And you're still in a great place to get yourself social, so have no fear.

Step 1: Get out of the house.

You'll never get social by sitting at home, so start by just going out - alone if you have to.

Sign up for parties. Go to art shows. Go to any and every event you can find.

Sign up for dance classes.

But make sure you're getting out at least a couple (2-3 nights/days) per week.

Your full-time job while you're on this search is to find friends.

What would you do if this was your paying job and you needed to find people to work with?

It's always a question of motivation. Find your motivation and kick your own ass out the door.

You're going to need to be your own drill instructor and get tough with yourself.

No TV.

No sitting at home reading books.

No surfing the net and hanging in chat rooms.

I'm sure you're probably waiting for "Step 2" in this process, but if you just do Step 1, you won't need a Step 2. Everything comes from that one starting point.

It's slow to get going, but once you do, it's like an avalanche.

And make sure you understand the essence of Power Social Skills, too.

Comment on this post if you'd like more on this topic in my upcoming videos and newsletters…

http://www.datingdynamics.com In this Dating Tips for Men video, Carlos Xuma explains flirting with women. You'll learn what flirting with women really is, and Carlos' 4 step flirting formula.

Here’s an exciting article that’s hot off the presses and written by ABCs very own Lead Instructor Johnny Wolf.

It’s about a special technique called Situational Peacocking and concerns both the Dating Self-Improvement Community as well as Asian American Men in general.

>>>
Question from Whitebelt:

“I’ve been sort of a hardcore punk/skin for quite a long while and wonder if it’s possible to peacock and look PUA via accessories or clothes of this style that still retain my personality but convey something interesting to women. I’m only talking about day wear here, although I’ve seen pics of Mystery and Style and I can’t imagine myself wearing some of the things they wear to a bar/club at night… Thoughts and opinions?”
>>>

Answer from Johnny Wolf:

“Yo Whitebelt!

I’m not a big fan of peacocking (wearing outrageous clothing to attract attention) because, well quite frankly it makes me look like a douchebag. It’s fun to laugh at guys at the club that are all Mystery clones, wearing eye makeup, cowboy hats, and funky gay clothing.

Basically it all boils down to our brain chemistry. It feels good to get attention, right? Even if it’s not good attention…when you’re used to being the guy in the bar that no one notices, all the sudden, they start coming up to you saying “Wow, where’d you get that pirate shirt?!”

That kind of attention, and- yes- sometimes attraction, is a heady brew that can give you an inflated sense of self-confidence that all these people (who were ignoring you before) are coming up to YOU!

But here’s the dilemma…

• How do you dress in a way where you have a competitiveadvantage?
• But without looking like a total try hard poser?
• How do you create and maintain a unique sense of the fashionably edgey?

If you’re in a band, play it up and dress like a rock star. If you’re a magician, play it up and look like Cris Angel or Mystery. However, if you’re actually an accountant that enjoys playing video games on your free time, you won’t look or feel right wearing 6 inch platform new rocks and pink feather boas.

The quick, easy, lazy tip for low level peacocking is to wear, one interesting item like:

1. A necklace that has some personal meaning to you.
2. If you play music, wear a guitar pick.
3. If you are a rock climber, wear a carabiner pin.
4. If you traveled somewhere, wear a symbolic necklace of the place you went to.
5. Or have a band t-shirt on of your favorite band,
6. Or a pin that says vote Obama (or even Obama’s the Anti-Christ)

Having one interesting item won’t get people to randomly approach you, unless your passive value is already high enough for them to really want to. But what it does do, is allow the girl to have something to compliment you on, or inquire about, after you open her.

If you want the wow factor, I recommend situational peacocking.

Wearing something, or holding something that you just randomly picked up that night.

The trick is, do not bring it out with you to the club, and don’t look in the mirror to see how you look with it.

Just see, grab, and have fun with it!

BE IN THE MOMENT IN OTHER WORDS!

Example #1:

In one roof top New York bar, they have a rack of red robes that they hand out when it gets cold. The first time I went there, I put one on, even though I wasn’t cold.

It was great, people would ask what it was for, or if I was a boxer, then others started wearing it too, so we started role playing that we were a cult.

I ended up making out with a girl that was there with a dude, just because she came up to me thinking I was a boxer!

Example #2:

Another time, I was walking to the bar, and randomly bought a pineapple along the way. Of course everyone asked me what the pineapple was for, and I just told them the story.

I was walking here and stopped by the fruit stand, knowing it would be closed if I waited until afterwards. And I just love pineapples…

I ended up meeting a couple cool people and going back to a friends house to eat it afterwards with our new friends.

I’ve done this with airplane neck pillows shaped as pigs, balloon flowers, funky hats, t-shirts, and other random stuff.

But here’s the point…

The reason why it works is because it is spontaneous and girls can sense it.

If you carry around a pineapple every time you go to the bar, you become the weird fruit guy. But if you did it one time randomly, you’re fun.

Girls can sense if you’re being fake or gimmicky. But having it be truly spontaneous and not planned out, it gives you this great sense of confidence through genuine fun.

So next time you’re out either day gaming or at a bar or club at night, look around and see what you can use as your situational peacock item!

Hope that helps, Whitebelt!”

Sincerely,
Johnny Wolf & The ABCs Team

UPCOMING EVENTS:

• Los Angeles Reunion!
• LOS ANGELES Certified Bootcamp 10/03-10/05
• New York Certified Bootcamp 11/07-11/10
• AUSTRALIA - Sydney NSW Special Bootcamp 11/28 - 11/30
• San Francisco Certified Bootcamp 12/12 - 12/14
• Dallas Special Bootcamp 12/19-12/22

Some people can make PU very complicated, breaking down all aspects of interaction and looking at the ‘value’ what people do and say. I don’t feel that this approach is in any way constructive, and merely serves to overcomplicate and confuse things, which is going to hold back your improvement.

I find that I get the best results when I simplify things with students, which is why I’m sharing what I consider to be the five most fundamental elements of improving game.

1. Don’t make excuses not to approach

People love to make excuses for themselves. Students often say that they’re too tired to run game in the evenings, or that they don’t live in a good area, or that they don’t have a wingman to go out with. There will always be excuses not to approach. Remove them.

2. Get a new look

If you haven’t done this already, make sure you start dressing well. If you have no idea how to do this, then go to your local newsagents and buy some men’s magazines which contain fashion pages that you can copy. Go to some fashionable high street stores, and look at what the mannequins are dressed in. Copy it to the letter if you’re not sure, or simply ask the shop assistants for their advice. Go to an upmarket hair salon and ask them what they think would look good for your hair.

3. Set yourself goals

What are you trying to achieve from game? Sleep with lots and lots of women? Date only the best looking women? Get a girlfriend? Loose your virginity? Whatever it is, write down what your long term goal is, and then write down what steps you are going to take to get there. For example, rather than just saying to yourself ‘I want to get a girlfriend’, and then getting anxious about not having one, write down the steps that you are going to take to improve your chances of getting a girlfriend. These may include expanding your social circle by joining various clubs and hosting more parties etc. Tick off these smaller goals as soon as you pass them, and then concentrate on the next stage. It will help keep you motivated and focused to see yourself improve, and you are more likely to achieve your long term target if you tackle it in stages.

4. Slow down your speech, and speak slowly, and leave pauses

Speaking slowly is a key part of being confident in any social interaction, and it’s also a big part of being seductive. So many students talk fast when they’re in set, and they cannot help but fill any pause in conversation with nervous chatter. Don’t do this! Make a mental note to try and speak extra slowly in at least one set each day, and to leave more pauses than you usually would, then analyse how different you feel in these sets compared to others. You will probably notice that you feel more confident and in control, and you may also notice that girls will happily fill the natural silences that happen in conversations.

5. Use kino

‘When should I start using kino?’ is a question that I’m often asked, and my answer is ‘immediately’. Using kino is vital in building attraction and comfort, however it is not something that comes naturally to most men. Start using kino in your conversations by breaking your arms at the elbows and start gesturing as you speak, making a conscious effort to throw in as many light touches as possible.

Remember to make eye contact with the girl as you kino her, and to make your touches light and quick. Women are much more sensitive to touch than men, and so even when we think we’re touching them gently we may actually still be too rough.

Expect using kino to feel unnatural at first, but keep forcing yourself to do it, and you will soon find that you are doing it without thinking, and will therefore have a greater chance of building attraction and comfort, as well as forcing IOIs.

So, there you have my five simple points that anyone can incorporate into their game to start getting better with women. If you work on these simple points, rather than sitting in front of your computer memorizing a ton of material, you will find that your game will improve dramatically.

So what are you waiting for?

Brad

ShareThis

The insanity of fantasy continues…

Ronnie Brown’s monster day vs. New England last week was eclipsed by the “Brett Favre show” versus the Cardinals on Sunday.

Emotion is a fantasy killer. If you’re going to be successful at this game, now is the time to show discipline that the other people in your league can’t find inside themselves.

While most fantasy websites come up with a laundry list of weekly pickups comprised of new names I’d take the approach of scrolling through the last 3 weeks of transaction reports for your league. I’d look for Deuce Mc Allister, Leon Washington and you can even take a flier on Cedric Benson who signed with Cincy and Davenport who will fill in for the Steelers until Parker returns in deeper leagues.

While players like Miles Austin might be on the “Fantasy Hit List” on other sites I’d say that T.O. is ready to turn into the Eagle version if:

1. He doesn’t start getting the ball in passes designed to take advantage of the double coverage schemes he currently faces to stop his big play ability. TO’s size and speed make him a threat in many scenarios besides 40 yard pass plays.
2. Tony Romo plays as average as he did on Sunday in a pathetic loss to the Redskins.
3. Dallas loses both games to the Giants who despite the retirement/injury issues are still the best team in the NFC EAST.

I was amazed that after watching Fred Smoot and Springs head to the sidelines, that Dallas couldn’t exploit one of the redskins backups. I guess the philosophy of throw at the replacement was lost in the playbook.

So my advice this week is to comb the waiver wire and avoid one week fixes.

If you’ve been in your league for several years you can tell how impatient the people are. Several players like Andre Johnson, Roy Williams and Braylon Edwards have frustrated the heck out of their owners so trades might be easy to come by.

You need to learn to spot trends and be able to exploit them via the waiver wire.

Here’s another example:

Robert Meachem was one of my late round targeted sleepers along with Steve Slaton.

Everyone on the planet is on the Lance Moore bandwagon. Guess what? If all you guys know about Lance Moore, then so does the defensive coordinators the Saints will be facing. They’re equipped with a few weeks of game film on Moore and without Shockey and Colston, this spells opportunity for Meachem.

I hope you find this helpful and good luck in week 5.

Phil

fantasyfootballweapon

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The theme this week is communication. How do you tell your partner something embarrassing? How do you ask for something you want without scaring or insulting your partner? It can be tricky figuring out the right way to broach a subject, but here are some suggestions.

Dear Claire,

I am an older guy and it takes me longer to achieve an erection than it used to when I was younger. Gone are the boner days where just being in the presence or touching a woman was enough to make me hard. Now little man needs some direct physical stimulation to be a big hard man. What is a good graceful way I can pass this information on to a potential lover? Or should I not say anything at all and do something instead? What are a few ways to make it a fun pleasurable pre-sex experience? I feel like I’ve let the girl down because I need more than just kissing and heavy petting as a prelude to sex. I want to get my groove on and I am missing out on some good times because I am afraid of having an embarrassing or awkward situation happen (which has happened before). On top of this problem, I am a Grow-er and not a Show-er if you know what I mean. I’m physically healthy and fully operational once I get an erection, it just takes me a little longer (4 to 7 minutes).

Help,

Mr. X

Mr. X:

First of all, please don’t think that you only have this problem because you are getting more mature in years. I have been with young guys who could not achieve an erection right away either, so don’t feel alone or weird because it happens to you.

As far as bringing it up with your partner goes, I think you can integrate it into part of the foreplay. It does not have to be a clinical, serious discussion that you have before you start fooling around. It’s not a stop-the-presses-we-have-to-discuss-my-penis situation. I can see how it would be awkward or weird for her if you exclaim, “Just so you know… it takes me a minute to get hard, so you might have to help me out.” That’s not sexy. That’s a mood-killer.

To make it part of the foreplay, my first suggestion is for you to see if the woman takes the initiative. She’ll notice that you aren’t hard as you start to lose items of clothing and hopefully she’ll want to help you out. If I’m with a guy who needs a little assistance getting hard, I’ll start by using my hand to see if I can help him along. If that doesn’t work and we’re still progressing past heavy petting, I’ll usually graduate to using my mouth. If the woman takes the initiative, then you don’t have to say anything.

That is obviously the optimum situation. If she doesn’t take the initiative, then you might have to say something. But again, don’t go getting all Mood Killer on her. It’s not just what you say; it’s the way that you say it. If you declare, “Uh, yeah… I’m having trouble getting an erection” like you’re ordering a cheeseburger at the drive-thru, that will probably turn her off. However, if you whisper, “I’m having a great time, but I, uh, may need a hand getting hard” in a low, husky voice, then it suddenly sounds sexy.

You might think that sounds silly or simplistic, but it really is all about delivery and presentation. Now, she may still look at you like you’ve just sprouted antlers because she’s dense or insensitive or whathaveyou. However, I think most women realize that sex is a give-and-take exercise. They should want to help their partner become hard.

I’d also like to address the issue if your partner’s hand does not do the job and you’re hoping she will use her mouth. You first have to be respectful of your partner’s wishes and preferences. She shouldn’t be coerced or guilted into doing something she does not want to do. However, if you know your partner is willing to give head (or at least you don’t know that it isn’t her thing), there’s no harm in suggesting it.

With oral sex, it also has to be a give-and-take situation. You can’t expect her to do something you won’t do in return. So maybe you suggest a round of oral sex before you get to the main event. I think that’s a nice form of foreplay anyway. And once again… don’t just blurt out, “I want you to go down on me” like you have Tourette’s. Whisper something to her like, “I want to taste you” or “Would you like it if I go down on you?” Offering to go first is polite and will make her more willing to return the favor.

Finally, I’m assuming that you masturbate and are able to get yourself hard that way. One thing that I enjoy (and I know others do as well) is to watch my partner masturbate. I think you could suggest to her how hot it would be to watch her play with herself. As she does so, start playing with yourself. It’s an intimate thing to do with your partner and also helps you get hard. It’s also a huge turn-on. Seriously.

As for the Grow-er not a Show-er problem, I’d like to think that your partners give you the benefit of the doubt. You can’t tell anything by a soft penis. Once it starts to get hard, she’ll see how big you are and everything should be fine. The kind of woman who would not have sex with you when she’s only seen you soft isn’t the kind of partner you want anyway.

Thank you for writing in and please let me know what you think of my suggestions, Mr. X. I’m curious as to the details of the awkward situations that happened to you and could maybe offer some advice to those specific situations if you felt like sharing.

Hi, I’m Ali, a fellow sexy blogger. My question is: What do you think about sex toys in a monogamous relationship? When should you introduce them? How should you bring up wanting to use them without insulting his manhood?

-Ali,

http://lifeatthedildofactory.wordpress.com/

I think sex toys are a wonderful way to spice up a relationship. They’re fun and can instigate some creative bedroom situations. As for the timing of introducing them… that’s all dependent on the couple. I had one relationship where he liked to use my vibrator on me almost right from the start. I have had other relationships where we never introduced them because either they didn’t interest my partner or he felt uncomfortable using them.

As far as bringing them up, I have always found that a nice, open-ended question usually does the trick. I’ll say something like, “So have you ever thought about using anything else in the bedroom?” I had one guy respond to this with a litany of things. It was great. It was like he was just waiting for me to ask. I have also had guys respond with looks of confusion or bewilderment.

To the confused-look guys, I’ll usually coquettishly say something like, “You know… like food… or toys… or something like that…?” You just have to try to gauge your partner’s reaction. If he completely shuts you down, wait a week or two and then bring it up again. Talk about how hot you think it would be. See if it has ever crossed his mind to play with you with your vibrator. I guarantee that will at least pique his interest. He may not jump at the chance right then and there, but it will get the wheels spinning in his head.

After you’ve piqued his curiosity, it is just a matter of finding out what interests you both. Maybe he wants to try nipple clamps on you but you’d rather have him masturbate you with your vibrator. You can just say, “I’ll try yours if you’ll try mine.” It’s all about fairness and compromise. And maybe you’ll find you like something that did not initially interest you or vice versa. If you are worried about insulting his manhood, make sure to tell him that the toys don’t replace the real thing. Don’t let toys start to dominate the bedroom. They should be something that *enhances* your shared sexual experience, not something that *replaces* your shared sexual experience.

My advice for situations like this in general is always: give something 3 tries. One time to try it. One time to get used to it. One time to see if you like it. After 3 tries, if you still don’t like something, you probably aren’t ever going to like it. And your partner should respect the fact that you at least tried something for him or her (and it wasn’t a half-assed, I-know-I’m-going-hate-this-so-I-won’t-really-try attempt).

I hope that answered your question, Ali. I appreciate you writing in and thanks for reading! If any readers out there have comments or questions, please email them to clairesebastian@gmail.com. I’ll see you guys next week!

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