PUA Blogger

Edward from Core Edge Consulting and I sit down to talk about Making Charisma your Business.

However don’t let the topic fool you there are some great tips for understanding how to increase your charisma!

Just a few of the concepts we cover:

• The 3 main motivations of both men and women
• The Core concept of developing Charisma
• How to use your Charisma to develop relationships with clients and customers
• How to start the process of building a coaching business

Check it out at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/CharismaLive/2009/11/04/The-Business-of-Charisma

No single mistake can ruin an interaction or a date faster than this, and you have probably been doing it for years!

I know when I first started to uncover the secrets to better conversation with women the number one thing that was screwing me up was this simple mistake.

Me: Where are you from?

Her: I’m from San Diego

Me: Cool, so your from San Diego. What brought you up here?

Her: I got a job in advertising up here.

Me: So your in advertising huh?

Notice the problem? Notice the problem? It’s as bad as a TV sitcom repeat playing over and over. Stop repeating what she says, she was the one who said it, she knows what she just said.

I did this because I was filling space. It is a lot more comfortable to let my mouth run on autopilot and repeat the last thing she said then be confident in a pause to collect my next thought. T

The problem is that by repeating what she just said you aren’t fooling anyone. She can see that you are just filling space and time and it will make it seem like you are more nervous

TeleWorkshop 10/25 4:00PST $27.00

How do you answer these from a girl?:

“Will you buy me a drink?”

“Are you hitting on me?”

“We are lesbians”

“Fuck off!”

Learn in our interactive Tele-workshop just how to Have a Response to Anything! Never again feel like you don’t know what to say in response.

The art of knowing what to say in any situation will immediately help you develop more confidence. Imagine never walking away defeated again from an approach.

This is no normal Teleseminar! – This is a Tele-Workshop!

I’ll bring you through a very simple 3 part technique that will guarantee you will always handle the situation with Confidence and Charisma.

We will also be roleplaying and going through specifically designed exercises to help you develop this skill as a group. You will learn along with others on the call and together hone eachothers skill by doing!

There are only 6 spots available – So sign up now!

This last week I was interviewed on the SeductionList.com podcast we where I shared my advice on pickup, dating, and conversation skills.

Here are some of the subjects we covered in the interview:

• How to speed up your learning process through coaching and accountability
• How to build a cycle of success that will get you quicker results
• How to have engaging conversations
• What to do when a conversation stalls
• How to build rock-solid confidence
• Killer advice for beginners and guys just getting into the game
• Fashion tips for looking your best and standing out from the crowd
• Why looks don’t matter in pickup

…And more!

You can Download the Full Interview there.

Read more: http://www.seductionlist.com/charming-geek-interview/

I think it might just be more intimidating to start a conversation with a guy in a social situation like a bar or party than it is a woman. Unless you are gay you probably don’t think about ways to go talk to guys when you are out. It is however an important skill to be able to talk to anyone and start up conversations anywhere.

The most helpful thing for me to get me rolling when I enter a bar or somewhere alone is to get into conversation really quickly. Standing around only erodes my confidence and I end up usually going home with my tail between my legs. Being a social guy means I am not just talking to the cute girls but that I talk to anyone. Women notice who you have been talking to in an evening and it is important to be social with everyone. Approaching a couple guys I find is the easiest way to get me in the zone and even help pick me up if i just got rejected by a girl.

Approaching guys is not the same as going up to a woman. I like to act casual and wander up as if I was not directly planning on coming straight up to them. Don’t do the creepy sneak over, just be casual. My no-fail opener is always:

“Hey, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?”

It never fails. Guys love to talk about women as much as women like to talk about sleep over pillow fights in their lingerie. (Don’t even think about breaking my fantasy about what women really talk about in a comment on this post!)

I usually choose the guys in the corner, the wallflower guys. These guys are trying so hard to look cool and hope someone comes over to talk to them they are usually a great start. From there I usually feel more confident and will go approach a woman using them as my hub. You know they’ll still be standing there when you are done. If you get rejected then you can go back and laugh about it with them. If you are successful get a few girls you just met to come over and meet them, or invite the guys to come meet the girls. You will look good no matter how socially awkward the guys are because you are making introductions. That makes you more friendly and outgoing than anyone in that bar. That leaves an impression!

So don’t ignore the guys next time you go out to meet women. Strike up a conversation with my never fail opener: “Hey, how’s your luck with the ladies tonight?”

Listen in on the half hour radio show I was a guest on Charisma Live!

Edward Brown is a fellow coach focusing on Executive Coaching over at Core Edge Consulting at www.core-edge.com

Tune in as we talk about the definition of Charisma and how to start working out your social muscles. Find out whether we conclude whether Charisma is a learn-able trait or whether you are out of luck as an introvert. I also cover some great techniques to use in the workplace and how to adapt my method to a professional setting!

Damn, nothing is hotter than a woman with a sword. That outfit isn’t bad either, gotta love ladies armor fashion these days. As she approaches she smiles and is about to profess what you hope will be her undying love for you when you are interrupted by a strange sound coming from the sky. It sounds eerily familiar, like some kind of music. It is so distracting when all you want to do is get back to beginning a sordid love affair with the pointy eared scantily clad lady warrior standing in front of you. The music seems to descend and surround you with that creepy familiar song that reminds you of your ringtone back in a time and place you seem to be quickly returning to. Damn phone, just interrupted the best dream you’ve had, or were going to have, in the last six months.

You look up and see it’s a call from her, that girl you met the other night and went out with once on what seemed at the time a very promising date. You immediately rush to answer it only glancing at the clock staring back at you blinking some time near midnight.

“Are you coming out? We are at Bar None playing beer pong, you should join us!” She slightly slurs into the phone over the sounds of drunken revelry in the background.

“Sure, I’ll be right there! Talk to you soon.” You reply running your fingers through your stylish bed head hairdo briefly glancing in the direction you hope your pants are. Thoughts of getting lucky, booty calls and a cute girl spur you to get out of bed and ignore your eight am business meeting tomorrow morning.

Parking was more of a pain than you thought it would be. You find yourself finally having your ID examined by the door guy, and walking into $2 beer night being bumped and pushed in every direction as you walk through the bar. Scanning the sea of faces you don’t see hers anywhere. After completing the circuit and almost having beer spilled on you twice you go back outside to call her.

“Hey where are you? I just got here.” You yell into the phone with your finger firmly stuck in your other ear.

She answers, “Oh, we decided to call it a night. I have to get up early tomorrow for work.”

Speechless you manage to stutter out, “Uh ok, well let’s get together soon.”

You have just been flaked on, and the worst part is you allowed it to happen. She is at home in bed by now and you are standing on the sidewalk like an idiot wondering if she likes you or not.

I have been there, thats how I know that even while standing there, you were likely not even that mad at her. Honestly she isn’t worth being mad at; you should be mad at yourself for not applying one simple rule:

Treat a woman no better or worse than one of your buddies.

I certainly wouldn’t get up and come out to join one of my guy friends if I am already in bed; in fact I wouldn’t even answer the phone. Why would you do that for a woman?

I am not saying don’t treat women well. I would do a lot for a friend of mine if he needed me, but he damn well be laying in a ditch somewhere if he is calling me past midnight on a tuesday evening for something.

The least attractive thing to a woman a man can do is not stand up for himself. As scary as it sounds to turn away a woman’s request and what she will think of you, she will admire you and be more attracted to you if you grow a backbone and stand up to her.

Women have an almost unconscious desire to test men sometimes. It can be as small as repeatedly asking for small favors at a time you have something else going on, to changing the music to something you don’t like in your car. Will you say how you feel? Will you tell her you can’t that you are busy, or ask to turn the station back you were enjoying that song? How long and how far will you let it go before she has completely emasculated you? There is no need to be rude when you do it, just simply stand up for yourself.

Emasculated: Answering the phone no matter what or when.
Confident: Answering when you are free and letting it go to voicemail when you are doing something or talking to someone.

Emasculated: Buying a drink for a girl you just met cause she asked you to. (worse if you buy her friends drink too)
Confident: Telling her you might after she gets to know you better, and actually buying her that drink later.

Emasculated: Paying for an extravagant dinner in hopes she will like you.
Confident: Paying for a meal because you invited her to dinner, but actually really being excited to try the restaurant yourself.

Emasculated: Agreeing to go out with her on a night you had previous plans because you will break them for her.
Confident: Choosing a night and time when you are free even if it has been a bit of trouble scheduling it for both of you.

Apply the rule to all of the above.

-If I am busy, I don’t stop what I am doing to take calls from my buddies, I call them back.

-I buy drinks for my friends because I know they will get the next round.

-I will often buy meals or coffee for a friend if I invited them out, not because I want them to like me but because they would do the same for me.

-I don’t pick restaurants I can’t afford to eat at to dine with friends.

Ask yourself, if your buddy treated you the same way how would you act? Don’t supplicate to women anymore, be a gentleman but have a backbone as well.

Open Spaces Available for Emotional Attraction Tele-Workshop

There are 5 spots available on this sundays 1.5 hr Tele-Workshop
on Relating and Deep Emotional Attraction.

This Month’s Topic is: Emotional Relating – Creating attraction so deep she will say “It is amazing we just met, I feel so connected to you!

• Actual exercises and roleplay to get you doing it correctly!
• Stop reading on how to establish good rapport, get actual feedback on how to do it!
• Learn what is TOO deep in rapport and how to connect while keeping it fun.
• Master the ultimate secret weapon – a system for making a compliment so good it that will make a woman instantly fall for you

Whether you are interested in getting a taste of what my coaching program is like (This call is included FREE in my monthly coaching program) or you want to take your Connection skills to the next level, come join us for this experiential learning experience.

You don’t just sit there and listen, we work together on exercises and role playing to improve everyone’s skillset.

Sign up soon though or the spots will all be filled!

Sunday 7/26 12:30pm PDT $27

Sign up now!

The call will be done over skype. Please have a current version installed and use headphones or a headset to reduce the echo. An alternate call in number is available on request.

So I have to admit I have never been on a diet in my life. The whole idea of depriving myself sounds agonizing. I would rather try to eat healthier and get more active. However the pounds started sneaking up on me in the last few years as I started to work from home and spent too much time in front of the computer.

Recently I stepped on the scale at my rock climbing gym and I weighed in at over 200 lbs. This definitely made me take notice. I think as guys we can really fool ourselves when it comes to how much weight we have gained. Suck it in a little more and loosen the belt another notch; men can gain 15-20 pounds fairly easily and not even need to buy new clothes.

One of my favorite bloggers and author of The Four-Hour Work Week, Tim Ferris had posted on his blog a while back How to Lose 20 lbs of Fat in 30 Days without doing any exercise. I said to myself “This month I am going to try this experiment and get back to my ideal weight.”

Not only did I lose 16lbs this month on this plan, I was never hungry, did not do any workouts beyond my normal activities, and I ate donuts, cupcakes, garlic fries, and drank like a fish in a beer aquarium.

The Diet

Pick a few meals and stick to them. Don’t try to get fancy or test the boundaries with what you can and can’t eat. The best success will come from sticking to the same meals for the month. Boring… Yes, but effective.

Lean Protein:

Chicken
Egg whites with 1 egg for flavor
Chicken
Lean Pork
Grass fed beef
Salmon or Tuna
Tofu

Vegetables:

Spinach
Salad greens
Broccoli
Brussel Sprouts
Baby Carrots
Artichoke Hearts
Zucchini
Summer squash
Peppers
Snow Peas
Green Beans
Just about any vegetable is fine
Eat high sugar/calorie content vegetables in small amounts like Tomatos, Peas, Beets, & Chick Peas.

Legumes:
Lentils
Soybeans (edamame)
Pinto Beans
Black Beans
Lima Beans

Mix and match all you want and eat until you are full but don’t over eat. If you get hungry again feel free to make a another meal. Be aware of the difference between hunger, and the feelings that can often be interpreted as hunger such as being thirsty or sugar and alcohol cravings. Fill up by eating more vegetables always. Veggies are so low in calories you can eat all you want.

Avoid all sugars and carbs. No fruit, wheat, bread, pasta, sweets, fried foods and try to keep your fat calories you ingest as low as you can. Also avoid milk due to lactose, a sugar as well. I avoided cheese as that was one of my major fat sources.

Feel free to have one glass of red wine an evening as the health benefits far outweigh any negatives on blood sugar.

The idea is that you are going to deprive your body of carbohydrates forcing it to burn fat. Even a small amount of sugar or carbs can ruin your entire days worth of work so don’t cheat!

Snacks:
Baby carrots
Edamame
Small amount of Hummus
Stevia sweetened hot coca
Unsweetened Chai tea with soy milk

Drink a lot of water. Burning fat will release a lot of metabolic waste and stored toxins in your body. You have to flush that out to keep your weight loss rate high. I tried to drink at least a half gallon of water a day or more.

Cheat Day!!!

One day a week have at it. Eat and drink whatever! This resets your metabolism and gets your body to forget that it is on a diet. After your cheat day is done your body goes back to burning fat even faster cause it hasn’t gotten used to the lack of carbs yet.

My first cheat day I ate five doughnuts and two cupcakes and was almost sick to my stomach I ate so much sugar. I didn’t want to see sugar for days afterwards and for the first time in my life i craved vegetables.

Stick to this plan and you will drop at least fifteen pounds. I lost 16 pounds in the month and feel and look fantastic. One of my weeks I didn’t lose a pound and these are the things I think I did wrong:

Avoid fake sweeteners other than stevia. I found out that the sugar free chocolate I was eating had maltodextrin and maltitol as sweeteners. Both while supposedly not affecting blood sugar, actually do have a glycemic response. Avoid splenda because of the maltodextrin. I was also even trying Truvia a mix of stevia and erythritol as a sweetener that week and that may or may not have contributed. Avoid anything with fructose or dextrose in it, they are also sugars. The other issue that week was I wasn’t drinking enough water and I really do believe this was a major cause of not losing any pounds.

Of course the weeks I was a bit more active I lost weight quicker so combining this with some light exercise will make it even more effective but for the sake of the experiment my exertion was limited to biking to where I was going a couple times a week, my weekly salsa class, and a couple outings of frisbee golf. The month overall was not that active physically for me.

If you do add exercise to your month then you can introduce some complex carbs in within 30 min of the end of your workout. Something like a no cheese whole grain crust pizza or a turkey sandwich on 7 grain bread. See Tim’s post for more on that.

Example Meals:

Eggwhite Veggie Omelette with tofu and salmon, with a side of Trader Joes cuban style black beans (my favorite of all the canned beans)

Grilled chicken (on the george forman grill), vegetable medley (frozen from TJ’s, Fat free Refried Pinto Beans

Canned Salmon in a salad with tofu, grilled tempe, red peppers, carrots, snow peas, artichoke hearts, heart of palm, with a little low fat Italian dressing. Side of black beans

Lean piece of grilled pork with asian style vegetable mix from TJ’s (omitting the sauce) and fat free refried black beans.

I pretty much ate those four meals the entire month mixing it up a bit with spices like cumin and balsalmic vinager or a curry powder.

Going out to eat can be challenging but I managed to go out at least a couple times a week to eat and even date a couple girls. There was a great custom sandwich salad place that I ate at on one date and I went on a picnic for another date bringing a grilled chicken and two pre-made salads with hummus and veggies for dipping (and crackers and a cupcake for her). Mexican places are another great place to eat because you can often swap rice for veggies and pass on the tortillas. If anywhere I cheated it was an occasional second glass of red wine.

The sugar cravings were the worst part of it for me but I found a killer way to beat those as well. I made a great hot chocolate chai sweetened from stevia. Stevia is one of the only completely natural non chemical sweeteners that doesn’t affect blood-sugar. Avoid the ones that are mixed with maltodextrin. I got the SweetLeaf brand Stevia because it doesn’t have the bitter after taste sometimes associated with Stevia. I would steep the chai first then add a spoonful of Cacao powder and sweeten to taste with Stevia.

The only other difficulty on the diet is handling beans three meals a day. Get yourself some Gas-X or Bean-o and you won’t be as gassy after your first week. In fact by the end of the month it was only my cheat days that actually gave me digestive difficulties. I also tended to find I was not as regular as I should have been so I would recommend a fiber supplement to help keep things moving as well as don’t slack on drinking enough water.

I affectionately called this my Trim-Down program since us guy’s don’t like saying we are on a diet. Over the course of a month I can’t imagine an easier way to make yourself look and feel better. I ate when I was hungry, still drank my irish heritage fill of alcohol each week, and just when I was getting sick of it my cheat day would come around and make me forget I was even on a diet.

Want to get more dates and more beautiful women? Losing that gut certainly will help a lot!

I find the most asked about topic with guys is body language. Nothing scares us more than knowing we are communicating something but not knowing what it is. The physical part of a woman’s brain that interprets non-verbal communication is 30% larger than the corresponding part in a man’s brain. Face it, if we are demonstrating insecurity they see it.

In general I feel we worry too much about our body language. Attempts to overtly correct it by thinking about the way we move and the way we stand often makes it worse because we become a caricature of ourselves. The insecurity in our body language wont be gone, it just gets perceived along with this stereotypical “alpha male” body language that many other companies teach.

The best way to develop good body language is to increase your confidence. When you stop caring what people think of you and you stop trying to be something other than you, that is when confidence will show through in your body language.

Despite this there are things we do that projects insecurity, neediness, or a strange vibe no matter how confident we are.

1. Eye contact

This is a big one. Insecurity is shown by not looking someone directly in the eyes while you are talking. If you spend the majority time speaking or listening while looking anywhere else that is a big red flag.

Conversely if you are holding sustained eye contact bordering on 3 seconds or more and it isn’t leading up to making out with her you are being too intense with your eye contact. I have met more guys who make this mistake “trying” to improve their eye contact than just about any other mistake. Make good eye contact, look away for just a brief second then return to their eyes.

2. The handshake

So much is perceived in a handshake. If you are shaking a woman’s hand in a weak way, it does not come off as gentle. Give a woman a firm handshake, it should be more firm than she is grasping yours but not in any way bone-crunching, save that for your buddies. Most men fall into being almost too gentle with their handshakes.

The distance you hands meet in relation to where you are is also a good indicator of your confidence. If you are bending over and stretching out your hand well past the halfway point you are demonstrating she has more value. If you are not extending your hand far enough to the middle you are demonstrating your insecurity and shyness. Approach, stand tall and extend your hand half way between you two. If there is another person to meet move your feet not just your hand to bridge the distance.

3. Posture

Everyone in the theatre, film, and television industry has known this for generations. The better your posture is the more confident you will appear. I regularly get surprised looks when I say my height, most assume I am much taller. Stand up straight and keep your shoulders back. If you have been going to the gym make sure you are stretching out your pectorals after lifting and working on the reverse fly to bring your shoulders back. A hunched forward weight lifter is not what you want to become.

4. Body Facing

The angle at which you are facing is an indicator of many things. Directly facing someone can be very intense, almost confrontational. I tend to generally meet someone head on then settle in to talking to them at about a ninety degree angle. If they are facing more toward you at times in the conversation when they are interested in what you say turn toward them more. If they are more relaxed or in a sitting position where they are facing out more at one hundred and eighty degrees (shoulder to shoulder) then mirror that a bit.

You don’t have to be a slave to this, but if the person is facing you and very into the conversation you shouldn’t be facing away from them and the opposite is true as well.

5. Being “Cool”

When I think of what is “Cool” I think of one of the guys at the bar sitting along the wall just hoping if they act cool enough someone might talk to them. Anyone I think is actually a cool guy is not trying to be cool, they are being warm and friendly.

If you take away all of the money and prestige who would you rather hang out with, Sean “Puff Daddy” Combs or Owen Wilson? Puff Daddy is quintessential cool, and I’m sure he’s a nice guy, but I would much rather hang out with a fun, humorous, warm guy like Owen Wilson any day of the week.

The cool factor comes from not needing any one woman’s attention. You are confident enough to get along with anyone and be a warm friendly guy without coming off being needy. So be warm, not “cool”. Leave the body rocking, over the shoulder introductions, and leaning away for the guys who are trying to conceal their insecurities.

Strong, confident, assertive body language comes from increasing your confidence. I have never seen a confident man have bad body language, yet I have seen a lot of guys coming off extremely creepy because of some advice they are trying to follow. These 5 basics will get you on the right track, the rest will take care of itself if you build the life you want to be living as a confident, involved, social man.