Bad Writing

September 5, 2008, 6:02 am

I’m no Hemingway but I know bad writing when I see it. My 11-year-old brother brought his English course syllabus home and after reading it I’m confident his writing skills will not improve this year. Example:

Each unit addresses an over-arching theme designed to serve as a lens through which students explore the human experience across time and distance in their own writing and published exposition, narration, poetry, and drama.

Ahh, the language of a self-important writer. All that mess says is “Each unit allows students to practice writing.”

…students learn the dynamic relationships among literature and language as they study the significant role language plays in literature and in the craft of expressing oneself through the written and spoken word.

“Students learn about the relationship between literature and language and how it can improve both their writing and speaking.”

He goes to a public school so I guess we’re lucky he can even read.

Here’s a new Starbucks in-store promotion:

The morning begins and is already complete. A wholesome, nourishing breakfast inspires a whole you. Start with coffee. Full-bodied and spicy Starbucks Anniversary Blend. Hot oatmeal completes the meal with whole grains and protein. Whole fuel to make it through the whole morning.

But is it whole?

I don’t even understand the first sentence.

The worst piece of writing I have ever seen comes from the internet and was authored by Steve Gillmor from TechCrunch.

We handle nourishment requests from our loved ones by sharing, which is another way of saying dividing the materials to just above the point where each portion proves insufficient. Children come first since quieting their cries reduces the possibility of alerting outsiders while requiring relatively small amounts compared to peers. Then the spouse or friend is satisfied, setting up a social interaction around the breaking of bread. “Let’s grab a bite and talk about the deal.”